I have been waiting so long to feel SO GREAT! i never thought this day would have been perfect. This is that feeling i got few years back in boarding school "girl's turn off the lights and get into the bed". My hair is messed up and sticky and face is oily and i am smelling of happiness. I have braided my hair after ages and it feels great i am already into my night wear. i am missing my matron coming into the haunted dorm and yelling at us to say the good night prayer and go to sleep. that was so perfect, i remember group studying and S,K pestering me to study and stop getting scared and then group hug and late night talks. NO Internet, NO mobiles, NO tv just real people to talk to. Over the years i have become DUMB and NUMB i am not adapting anything that's nice. I am just turning into "everybody else". I don't even write beautifully now, nor do i understand deep writings, nor does news paper attract me. THIS IS NOT ME! i have lost my command over English as a language. i don't pronounce words properly. My vocabulary is stale and stinks. I don't read anything nice and interesting. I got a ATKT in my first year. i am pushing my luck too hard. Maybe i am not completely efficient as what i thought i was. TOO MUCH SELF BELIEF ain't a great thing. I never imagined my life like this way back then. I am ZERO there is so much for me to learn. I AM TURNING into material girl's. Today the sunset wasn't romantic but serene. I have stopped thinking like i used to. I have definitely lost my originality. Back in school i was a bright and brilliant and now i am faded and dumb. My brains, my aesthetic sense seem to have rusted. I keep yelling get a life, where as i have lost mine as well. I need to regain myself. The strong foundation of my character was my originality but now its nothing there is no foundation. Is my life all about just shopping and roaming aimlessly? or as people call it chilling because its my time to enjoy? No enjoyment for ME has always been different from other's. That's why i have few but the best people to top my friends list. I am on FINDING-MYSELF-MISSION. R has made me believe denial helps to a great extent. Hes the best thing that happened to me in Barnes life. Hes my bff but just like Betty they have evolved with time unlike me. But before i stop identifying myself and feel ashamed of what i have turned into. I need to get back at life. I remember telling A i hate sunsets and nature and crap! but no I forgot i am the most nature loving person! i remember sitting on titanic and writing and humming tunes. these three years have been a roller coaster. What happened to Ms.pricey but smart where did she vanish? and Who is this Ms.proud and dumb?. what happened to big dreams? what happened to career? the real career? What happened to your way of looking at things.! R says pay no heed to the obvious! that's so true!.I am sabotaging my own beautiful blessed life. Its important to have people who know the real, the most genuine you. hopefully i shall incorporate this into my aimless life and be the princess i was born to be not to conquer the world but to conquer the greed of knowing everything in the UNIVERSE.! and I HAVE STOPPED QUESTIONING MYSELF!

PS: i hope this get better, this feeling is what i needed. I am not upset but astoundingly happy and thankful
PS 2: VALENTINE's DAY was a brilliant movie!