Why do i treat myself with NO LOVE

i realise i am just loafing around and spoiling things for myself! i am hiding things from myself! i should start studing and start utilizing my time. But i just dont know what phase this is ! but today i woke up to a bad dream and now i guess its HIGH TIME i do something! i need to start figuring out what life is! damn it why do i have NO love left for myself because if i had love left i wouldnt treat myself with this priorty! but there are some awesome things happening!