Oh oh oh oh oh oh omg!!

Exams in 2days.. Just done with 30%. I'm liable to being punished under article 258(2) of my familys constitution for violating the rule of exams!!! Yes.. I've become insane! I'm crashing.. Bitch ME! :@
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The problem with fairytales is that they set a girl up for disappointment. In real life the prince goes off with the wrong princess. Or the spell wears off and two lovers realize, they're better of as whatever they are. But I'll confess, every once in a while a girl craves her fairytale ending. ..

Rest later
Xoxo
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My newsest clumsy rocking chair..! I love it.. Right now eating the last choclate of this year.. =(
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The trip to temple hill was as fun..a lot of fun.. I loved the rainy evening.. As much as I could enjoy it I did.. With spicy hot corn and the breeze.. It was serene..

Rest later
Xoxo
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Drive with mom...to my mama-cha gaav.. =D
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From red to extensions to soft curls to short to fringe to bangs..!! Had enough!! All I want is my natural dark brown hair back..! I will get it before diwali.. I want sheer shine back on my hair..! That's my possession.. I just can cry out frustration.. Change is not what I like not with hair.. Like car is to men hair is to women..!!

Rest later
Xoxo
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My latest creation..!! I love gossip girl..its a total hand made thing..!!!


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Lazzzzyy...clumsy saturday!!!!
I want excitement in life!

:/
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Love it.. Or leave it...
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Yay.. Finally mobile blog activated..!! :D

The bitch is back..

Xoxo
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yea no updates i know.....! i never remember these days of my life..!

rest not so soon

xoxo

“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

 

 

ps : SATC quotes i <3

weddings??? keep it? throw it?

I'm what ? um say nearly going to be 19 and weddings bells are FAR AWAY! like 6-7 years down the line! so what excites me to start planning it now? do i want it too perfect or something? NO, i want the way i want it! its a whole new different experience. I mean leaving you room and bathroom and just adjusting it with someone else you might know/might not know! i cant share my room with a man! they totally will ruin the remains of my room! and honestly i dont believe marriage is holy ceremony where two familes be one or the lady and man unite as one soul. Its just the need of society and human brains! things hardly change for a guy compared to a girls! from her surname to her bedroom to her parents! i mean when i have my own parents WHY would i call someone else's parents mom and dad! i cant do that! and maybe you enjoy the few post wedding days but what later! i know i am not suppose to think of weddings right now! its all my career but YET, and i m suppose to be the last one in my entire family to be married! but after attending like 4 weddings this week, this is what happens! when you have lived one name for 25years of your life, its your identity! and then after marriage you either change your surname and if you're lucky to have cooler in law's you might keep the post marriage surname as well with your maternal surname! every man wants a hot fun and wild gf but when it comes to weddings every guy wants a take away home material! well as they say men and thier double standards!

But what if a guy gets married to a wrong women! his life comes at stake, the women becomes a home breaker! what a nightmare is it then ! guys are always the compressed matter between spouse and mother! poor soul =P . If i ever have a wrong lady in my house i will make sure see to it that she regrets being the way she is! i love my family the most! anyone who tries to cause dumb problems will first face me! LOL .. omg how high can i be on betadin and savalon..

Ps : i was accused of being vella (jobless and free) because i blog! but never knew i might be paid for living with this blog!

rest later!

ever heard of ruining your own mental peace to kill boredom? ask me! i want the college to start really soon! oh no its not the college wait, i think i just want to meet some people with fresh view on everything! everybody around me is sooo stereotyped and clichéd! =P

ps i have so many problems with a society! i wont be surprised if someone ends calling me a sadist! but again did i ever care enough??? LOL

rest later

xoxo

uh..umm... i have issues, yes i have huge issues with people that make up the society. 'A' was right "society has evolved in a wrong way where boys never turn into men , and girls keeping looking around. chappri Indians are even worse" maybe he himself was fake! but what he said has finally come to life now. i m finally off facebook, i can hear my heart yelling a "thank you, for saving me from the daily torture". I have nearly 400friends on facebook i hardly talk to only 5 on an average daily basis. most of them are males, few from college few from school and few just friends of friends. school people i realize it was good till it lasted thinking about it now it sucks, people from college nice on face, diplomatic and want to be right there on the top i dont know i have had this weird habit to portray myself like a blonde bimbo who loves to shop and loves pink but since school when i passed with unexpected marks or even high school, losers had it right in their face! i hate bragging about how big a scholar i m. I dont crack smart jokes or even read news papers, i suck at current affairs and world news! if that makes me OH-SO-DUMB, great i m dumb. I'm not a peoples person! i cant bitch behind back, act as if it was need of time to be with them. NO i m not that! i suck with music thats what i have been hearing! okay? so what now? i should listen to music according to people just to satisfy the cooler crowd around me? like was i prescribed a life? with do's and dont's? NO i wasn't. the reason i deactivated facebook is, it is becoming the reason for my hatred towards most of the people, moreover people get easy access to you! i hate the fact that any jerk can just know whats up with your life. I'm born in a place where every breathing soul thinks they were born with a tag of being cool. jeez i mean smoking, drinking or smoking up is cool, failing for more then once is also cool. having cars is cool, having i phone and blackberry is uber cool. having a group of people and posting pictures of every god damn thing isn't it like abusing the technology? and wanna attempts to snatch more attention . first constantly bitch about the other person and on facebook "oh my i love you" and other nonsense! being in the same fucking city having cell phones they write on walls? hmmm what next? people who dont bother talking to you like your updates, if you really like tell me not facebook. and then end number of groups? i can go on and on about this whole shitt! leaving few people i can count on fingers have a notice me invisible tag.none the less facebook is a platform for gossiping umm no its like a race to be the cool gang, the cool person. this is the ugly truth! no matter how many people deny it! and then i m the one people have problem with that i m too hated around , i am too blunt i am too this i am too that! yes i m and i have few people who love me for that! from the movies i watch to what colour i like all is a problem! honestly i m the most easy to get along but with the moment i see fakeness i get weird! i hate it! the people who claim to be liked around and are nice are the real bad people! honestly i m one of the nicest human being possible! I love gossiping but bitching is not my cup of tea! i will blatantly say whatever i have on the face, umm the genuine reason to be hated all around! i might sound pissed but i am not =P . my hand hurts which is why my language twists and turns! people say i talk alot, well yes i do i have this urge to express myself on anything and everything. i love being with myself or with betty! there is soo much peace! even RA from college is a no hassle girl i adore her! SH from lst is darling. but the rest are such jerks! i m too loud in public yes i m i love it! just like how people say "its like having fun". the next thing i am going to do is kill all people who annoy me and cover it up by saying its called having fun!! hahah! i m so funny =P . i love this blog because this is my blog and i can write whatever i want too and about whoever i want! and now everybody who reads this post is going to think this girl is out of her mind! no one will accept it that they live to survive in race! they will be in a denial! but again not like i care! this is my blog ! (i just had this weird idea i am going pass on a chain text msg asking everyone to read this , as a reason to leave facebook..people who care enough will read if not it still makes no difference). I am going to have to stop playing a match maker because when things are fixed you dont exsist! this is not me this is my experience talking. blogging is soo far the best thing happened to me! betty cares enough to check my posts everyday ! oh btw not that i wasnt trying to be in the race! yes i was but now im off it! =D not that i am parfait! =P yes i was trying hard too ! but fuck it!!! hard work was never for me!

ps this is me... right in your faces! =D

rest later

xoxo

i am just too fabulus!! god new desi clothes new rings and new nail enamel all's too hot!! either my mom is blessed with a amazing daughter like me or i m too lucky to have her as my mom! not to forget i new rainy footwear and bags and watches!! too much for the days! moreover S also got me stuff ... nice to see how just few people love you more then the million people!! i remember till yestarday i was pissed with the world! and here i go falling in love with myself!! self obsession is an art i mastered! and yes i still terribly miss dr.D.. my younger maternal cousins got the old zamane ka video game and yay i ll be playing mario and tank and contra! i miss cartoon network the powerfuff girls and popye episodes i download will get over in a day or two..! now i want captain planet and then adams family and even scooby do.. okay this is a incomplete post! =P i will write things in the latter one!

till then

xoxo

p.s main apni favorite hu!

PERFECCTTT DAY!!

Why?? i am too complicated! too materialized.. too loud..too snobbish..very choosy..very pricey.. but whatever i m i enjoy being myself! if i have to alone to be myself i'd rather do that! people are so fake so pretentious! i cant trust on anybody else accept betty and K. i am suffering from bad hair days! i loved my hair the most! and i seem to be loosing on it! I'm trying to show i m all fine. but DAMN i miss Dr.D.. the house is so dull! i have decided to make my 19th year the most amazing year of my life! social networking sucks! it does! but love it hate it you cant ignore it! right more then anything in life what i want to steadiness in everything from studies to internship, from friends to family from shopping to dieting! everything! i've gone dark like 5 shades! I've lately been in a cross with myself! lately AB has been upset with her relationships and she wants to be hooked up really badly! shes in a situation where she doesn't know what to do! whether to eat or to keep! but each ones to his own! i m helping her . BUT who will help me?? betty is miles away! i know what i want! im just too fussy! i had thought i m going to act real frugal and save it up all for my shopping year end! seems like god forgot to add "savings" to my memory! my bank balance is ZERO! yes it is! i feel like a lunatic i buy stuff i loose it and then i again buy it! now i all i want to do is invest in a nice watch and a nice bag! they are like the essentials of living! i m gonna get rid of my layered hair ! i will let it grow in one length!. RO is dating bulldog! like jeez! why??? everyone around me is with wrong respective ones! but when you say it on face! it hurts their balls ! and then some where with time they come up with "i know you were right" i have become like the Yoda of judging people in one go! one thing i hate about myself is, i get obsessed too soon ! with anything and everything absolutely. but i fun with AB after a long time! eye of the tornado seems to finally fading off! but i hope she never has a way back to her BASTURD chutil ex! she is a dirt magnet! i hope things go fine in wonderland now! jeez!! i have become soo dull!! all i post is what i do which is boring! i want fun ! more fun!

betty is off facebook! and i dont even know why! i miss her presence! i wonder whos wall will i post things on!! be back soon!

betty thinks i dont read her blog! i read her blog everyday without fail! no matter what!

i love her! yes like madly badly deeply! shes the amazing-est soul ever put on earth! <3

xoxo!

I swear i wont cut my hair ever in my life! this month i will trim then for the last time! too much change can ruin things!.. grrrr! i hate myself to acting over smart act trying out new looks! no more of it! pain and simple long straight hair! no matter how out of fashion it is! i want my long hair back! =(

i wanna put on my best lounge wear and have hair pulled back with a band and some light make up with the best music and drive all over the country! i love to drive! it makes me happy!

song on my mind right now!

imported from betty's blog i loved this! He was too good to me

How can I get along now?
So close he stood to me
ev'rything seems all wrong now.
He would have brought me the sun.
Making me smile that was his fun.

When I was mean to him,
he'd never say “Go 'way now!”
I was a queen to him
who's going to make me gay now?
It's only natural I'm blue.
He was too good to be true.

- Lorenz Hart

wasnt I a stuck up hidden bitch earlier!! well i was! now i m not!

i love this night!

experiencing the feeling of knowing i might never have it!

p.s. It sounds soo perverted! hahah =D

Confessions of travel bag

23rd morning was my flight to DELHI.i was flying alone for the first time, wait, infant travelling alone for the first time! i arrived @ the IGI airport Delhi!! i stepped out of the airport and FUCKNESS it was grilling hot! i couldn't take it! but i reached the hotel and just rushed for a shower! the cold water droplets for the shower felt like the rain in the amazon forests! relaxing and coooling! i had annoying college mates! few loud, some wanna be's some nerds and some dopers ! it was a interesting group of jerks to be honest! I went to ISIL and attended the first day of the seminar, and it was decent enough! but as i realised the day is passing, i realised my the soul aim of coming to Delhi; that is getting some fun and action was dispersing ! so i left the seminar after lunch! and went shopping! it was ALRIGHT! the next few consecutive days were DULL AND BORING! or even worse if i had to be pricise! i had met alot of people by now! and me being me i already judged people! and it turned out to be soo true. people in there are rude and cold! food wasn't great! guys were hot but dumb ! very few guys were smart as well as good looking! girls have a typical "notice me plea" in their behavior. They think somking, smoking up and drinking and wearing clothes that show your lingerie is soo cool that even Antarctica is insecure! C'mon! like seriously its all in the head! but maybe people there have so because of they think they live in the direct capital on the country! travelling the metros and eating at thella's and street shopping IS SO NOT COOL! They made me feel weird infact like an alien! I missed mom dad brothers cousins coco aunts uncles and ALL THE ATTENTION like i missed a heartbeat! they made me realize the value of everything from the messed up highly infective pink room to my most useless and freakish friends!! and then few days before i was to leave that city i meet few people who were my age, doing law and yes i thought they were kinda my types! it turned out to be soo wrong! Those guys are so regular with smoking up! I've been brought up with alot of values they are nailed into me! so much that when i cross that thin line! i die more 10000 times! but i dont think its the culture. I dont justify my wrong doings but i never over do them! I met this quite interesting guy "V" who dint catch my eye in the first meeting but later on there was something about him, dont know exactly what!! i dont exactly know was that the real him or just the part of him! 4days time is too less to judge somebody! but then shitt happened AND then i realized ONS are not my cup of tea! infact the whole hippy life is not for me! i am somewhere in between i mean i am not the one with the normal lifestyle nor am i the one with extra efforts to try to fit in the crowd! i love myself to such an extent that i want a imperfect love story with the most imperfect guy! makes no sense but thats just me! I'm not pragmatic but i dont even live in the dreamland! if i had to some up the whole trip it would be discovering a side of me which i dint know existed!

The most WHATEVER days.

i hate myself for being so majorly lazy that i dint even update my blog for few weeks! but its never too late! few fortnights before Sa from college told me about the ISIL summer law course! honestly with the brains i have i dint really "WANT TO" attend the course. i wanted some action in life, as i fed up of everything around me! yeah i get bored way too easily! but then i threw tantrums around, acted pricey and snobbish! but with time i realised when ever I'm too eager to get somewhere or things are falling just right in place, my time messes up things! apart that! i went to the city! I not exactly dislike but just that city never really touched that part of my heart when i start getting inclined towards things! before going to DELHI i had some real bad time at home! i thought it would be a break from all people around me! Convincing Pappa and Dr.dadu was a BIG BIG BIG BIG i don't know how big as a pain! too over protective! and Delhi being the crime capital! okay whatever crap! now next post!

Is law really for me????

Happy birthday betty!

love you :*

xoxo

Today, now i understand the value of being financially independant. Its important to have your own back up for everything in life, because for how long can we abide by the rules put down by others! And keeping all aside i have changed my lifestyle, i am dead to bed by max 1 and up to the sun by half past 8. I feel so happy watching the tv or just reading betty's blog but when it comes to talking to people or folks i am pulled back! Humans have merged with wrong thing, ah okay to be precise maybe i find it difficult to digest the "wanna be's" around me, but who do they actually wanna be? Like are they so offended by their original own self? why cant we be born with credit cards, back account with loads of money wouldnt that make life easy?? A stranger to this blog will find me to be too materialistic!! Not that i give a shit to that but i have stopped adapting to conditions! Why must i change for others comfort!. The wierd thing happening i'm feeling sleepy, my eye lids are getting heavy.

Song on my mind : stuck with each other

Rest later
xoxo

This is me. I'm on my own!

Song on my mind right now : vanilla twilight


okay after doing nothing like zero productive activity i'm blogging. I feel so...no words in the dictionary of a learned man could describe this state. Back to what was i doing these months of running away from penning the truth and the endless days of finding the bloody reason of living and putting up with all the nonsense from the people around me. Its kinda stupid to see people react in weird ways on everything i do say, think, eat, wear, breathe, exhale. Its kinda sickening. I had been home for the last two months and i swear it was a pain. The relation with family is sick, i mean they are either to over protective or lack trust or either too busy to think about me. When ever i have a argument on any scale i'm reminded of the gratefull things done by people around me, they have done that by their wishes i never gun pointed people to do things for me. I thought its better to have elderly support from siblings but no thanks it sucks. Maybe i wasnt very much born to live in india by the family bounds. Infact on the basis of my adult life, that life post school i think all i need is financial support not more. My parents mom and dad are getting on my last nerve its kinda stupid but the truth for the moment. My mom has no way of talking nither my dad, they must be very educated but they lack skills of dealing with me. I'm the most twisted person that can be put on earth. They try testing my patience, and my level of frustration i know they do it on purpose but now its time to put an end to it. After my repeated efforts to calm down the situation seems to trash even more. I have quit talking to them, only when there is serious need of money is when i talk. And no i dont find it selfish. I cant keep sulking for something i dont deserve. I missed betty reall bad. But inspite of all the being nice everything went swimming, like the titanic. I have this perky DNA which doesnt let me stay quite in an argument..

I'm TOTALLY disappointed with myself!

"people" around me LACK understanding skills!

rest soon not later

xoxo

Totally "LOVED" this

" I'd rather fight with you, then make love with anyone else"

P.s soundtrack from the wedding date! i heart this song

guess who's back!! the looker RO is back!!
but these studies are killing me! i cant meet him!! i am distracted!

I am definately not clearing my first sem! I studied half page in 24hours how cool is that.! Yikes i am sulking! But why! Maybe i have annoying human around me! Yes including parents, my brothers, my cousins and my grandmom. Everyone encroaches my privacy! Then parents giving the emotional crap! Just because i cant exactly spill what i have to or what i want too! Doesnt mean i dont have issues! My parents are understanding according to their wishes! And i hate it. I want to leave everything and have a life just for myself in paris or in london! Call me selfish ! I think nothing in life is yours expect yourself! Sleep is greasing my eyelids! This in true sense is bizzaro crap! Haha! Funny me!

P.s. Saw a lame dumb movie of the century.

Rest later

After playing ps3 for hours now my guilt is voicing me! How hopeless can a human being get! I havent studied a single word today. This is horrible. That small talk with mom totaly wants me to run away to a deserted place and never return. Solitude!! Thats all. Only coco is one without whom these hot and absolutely dry days have some sane-ness around me. I cant sleep with a mind of a restless soul. This is monsterous! I hate it.



Rest later
xoxo

LIFE!! i want i want i want!

Recently i have reading this book called "chariots of god?" just read first few pages its a brilliant book !http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chariots_of_the_Gods%3F .this is all about the mysterious places in the world like the pyramid of Giza, nazca lines in Peru , Stonehenge, the easter islands etc! these are few places which have millions of questions with them! archeology is interesting! i was never a believer of god, so i question if Ramayana happened if Mahabharata happened! Scientists say the ram setu is not man made is the sand formation! but the water archeologists have found the city of dwarka under water! it had traces of life! hypothetically speaking Ramayana took place but where are any "valid" traces! this is a vast topic to be discussed and India people will beat me up if i have to sum my thoughts like this! i would a insane girl to them just like nicolaus Copernicus was insane to people during that time! Dr.D downloaded a documentary containing possible answers to such questions! That video is bloody interesting! The world is a mysterious place with unanswered questions surrounding it! There is possibility of aliens visiting us! because we human have a record of evolving with time . No human had strength to build the pyramids ! okay we can still assume the pyramids being built by we humans, but what about nazca lines?? there is absolutely no answer! maybe the gods were no one but the aliens! we humans then were stupid to worship anything that was different! maybe i sound totally stupid or partially sane . But anyone who has the answers please feed my curiosity!

rest laters!

lame , lazy , foolish me!! i shouldn't have allowed the evil inner me to over power the blogger me! i haven't blogged for a long time! the reason behind blogging initially was keeping a record of things i do, for what?? just for my archives about my life! but the few days are missing and its not a very pleasing thing! i am home for more then a month now! it is absolutely great. i have been cooking like day in and day out! it was fun! i haven't really studied they way i had planned but just kept giving all the notes dirt death stares for hours! i am sure that not studying in any possible way! i have been playing too much ps3 games, like a freak. i got rid of all the heels i had! i got bright colored flip flops, not that i shopped alot but just enough to satisfy my greed! my UK holidays are ruined because of my postponed exams, thats very annoying! i have been missing A alot too! too many heart stopping movies releasing this summer! I can sue the heat for its attempts to kill me! I hate summers! i want spring and winter! i cut my hair in a messy way! i just craved for something different! and now i totally hate it! the layers and the mess i hate! i loved the long hair i had! i want the long locks back! like "RIGHT NOW". I got some really cool toe rings, finger rings and so much more! and just when everything was nearly perfect, no arguments with dad , was having a pleasing family time! the bad evil cousin of happiness was around! and i had a bad argument with both my parents! it was ugly! but parents have the upperhand! i was hearing all crap, sense for them all over again! now i just dont want to talk to them for some days! they must realize the difference in their way of living and mine! I am like Dr.D he's short tempered and talk stand nonsense for long! now what i have 25 or less days for exams with no preparation at all, negative vibes from parents, bad haircut and now no holiday alone because of this argument! i wonder whats coming next! i cant wait for RO to come back! its high time! i have been boycotting the sun! because i have become 20shades darker! no i dont think dark is beautiful! this year has to do me good! err.. i have to do myself good! this is a shortened story of whats happening around me these days!!

P.s. i shopped for coco! she is turning 2 on 1st may!! yay!

rest later

xoxo

this guy is soo talented!! i mean i like "THIS" talent! ;p

yay!! i am finally going to learning how to drive! finally!! i guess i should ask for a black limo now!!

i am sucker for speed and black color!! my greed! =P

Prayers are finally answered!

exams postponed! I "WILL" have to utilize the extra time i am lucky enough to get!! = D

OUT of mind and out of sight! =P
really having internal crisis, YET again! will write soon!

rest later
xoxo

Yay! I have superceeded myself tonight! I have done 80% of what i was to do.. High time! Yeah i can hear birds chirping, and i can feel the sun rise ! How metophoric! Haha! I spoke to RO i am so glad to have done that done that because i could actually study! =D !!! Fabulus me! ;)


p.s. K is almost back in action! I hope things go great! Our friendship is wierd nothing can slit us forever! For sometime yes things go completly wrong!



rest later
xoxo

Shouldnt i be sleeping by now, with a peacefull mind? Yes, i should have. But i dint study what i had planned it to be like i tried for best maybe my best was good enough! I am too bored blog also! Maybe thats because i am upset with myself! I miss RO and A terribly. Ro is off to dubai for a month, the place without him is so plain and boring! I shall get some sleep now!


Rest laters
xoxo

i will be (hopefully) done with

1. regulating charter act of 1773
2. charter act of 1793
3. charter act of 1813
4. charter act of 1833
5. charter act of 1853
6. press developments in India
7. revolt of 1857

P.s. i JUST have to finish with this!!!!!! :S or else i am screwed for life

i heart this

"If women ran the world, there wouldn't be any wars, but there would be entire nations that wouldn't speak to each other"

this is so true! =D , I do that!

P.s. Betty has the distinct art of finding such hilarious quotes!

this is not done! i am bound to study when the pressure of exams is exerted from all the sides, but this time it isnt working! i cant study! i JUST CANT!!! like i have nothing better in life then doing NOTHING! doing nothing keeps busy! busy that i dont sleep !! zhitt! help me, the angel from my nightmare, help me to study!! i mean MAKE ME STUDY!

P.s. zhitt= shitt! a new innovation again! =P

"Those people who tell me that I'm going to hell while they're going to heaven somehow make me glad that we're going in separate directions ..."

haha.. this is hillarious! =D

Yayiee!this is my 100th post! Wow i feel so writer-ish. =P BUT, i have been busy like busy with ipl cricket matches, and most importantly i have renewed my promise to myself and betty! The very famous "pakka kal se" is what i applied. From tomorrow my dear bloggu and betty you shall see a ps about how well did i keep my promise..and am still in post excitement mode for the ipl. I saw all hot and famous players! I saw sachin tendulkar and he just is so lucky, ofcourse he has worked very hard for it. But when i saw people taking efforts just to see him hit his famous sixs and fours i was kinda jealous, i know foolish me. But i am proud to have him around when i am alive. the entire stadium was worshiping him. I read this in a interview of the most flexible actor "nasiruddin shah" he said "anyone who'd say he doesnt want to be famous, would be lying." so i so despartly want to be famous, like i can kill for fame! Lol

P.s i have exactly 30days for my last sem exams! I need start studying! I just need to.. :S

rest laters
xoxo

after winning over the lame-clumsy&lazy me- the foes of myself, i finally decide to blog! There is so much i have to write but from where to start?? And how to start! However, i choose the most controversial topic, duh! Offcourse me,myself & I. Off lately I have been trying to figure myself out, but then i realised how do i expect others to understand me, when i myself fail to do so! And i know few people who will tell me that the "someone " who will understand me like noone else is my true love and shitty things! But love?!?! Well lets keep that aside, its not the priorty right now! Or maybe it is! I am a contradiction myself! Getting back to figuring myself out! I am not the total "oh-la-la'' types, not the totaly blingy with butterflies around, i am not the daddys princess, i am not a geek, i am not a nerd, i am not a low profile, i am not comman girl next door, i am not material girl, well after all these types where i dont indentify myself with these humanly made groups to make people feel awesome and terrible at the same time. And no i hate that one liner saying " i am, what i am" or i am what i need to be! If i was what i need to be then, by now i should have been in bed with all the signs of responsible grown up adult, which clearly i am not! As R had said every character has layers! But i am just one whole chunk! I thought i am the bad girl with evil plans to destroy every human i hate, lol so by now if i would have done that i would have been a boon to mother nature because the population exsisting problem would have come to an end! I find happiness in the smallest things, you dont need to gift me prada's , and channel but not that these things wont make me go gaga! But all i seek for is happiness! I have been sending food over to my grandmom, and the call when she tells me it was brilliant, i feel like i cant find a appropriate word, yeah, my vocabulary sucks lately. When in movies the lovers just say few things and yes i have tears is my eyes! This is so strange like i dont know whats happening! This whole figuring myself things isnt like a cosmic event of earthly significance! I have the saint and sinner in me who play thier parts on my demand. I realise i want to do everything like law,photography,hair dressing, designing, salsa professional, event managing and even journalism and then later polictics! I love weddings! They are the most beautifull days of a man's and woman's life! And i have been planning its for last 4years like a maniac! From the drapes, to music to food to location to clothes just everything. Now that i know some tricks which people use for flawless skin i over think how stupid can i or people be to believe that the on screen faces are the same off screen, they must be having problems like just any other girl. But they have the money to fix it with corrective surgeries and highly expensive cosmetics treatments! All my parents can afford me is clinique being the highest! Not that i am unhappy but then when i think if i can afford the custom made dresses from the class statement designers like valentino, dior and on lower ones even like fendi! But then again how can i afford not to have those in my wardrobe! The greed inside me is like the galaxy i keep falling deeper but i havnt found the point of satiety! And out of no where i hate pop songs! I love classic rock and just the sufi songs. My code of conduct has been parallel to the x axsis(mybehaviourpreviously) with a slight slope upwards. Hahahaha. This post makes me feel just the "FABULUS ME" =D


rest laters
xoxo

Back to mobile blogging!!! :)

new layout, new stickers, WHY AM I BEHAVING LIKE A KID?? well, its my own space and ill do exactly what pleases me!!

Ps. effects of a boring sunday! :P

i am playing the SAINT and the sinner! i have split personality disorder..

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Why is the sunday afternoon so abstract!

P.s. i had a nice chat with N and RO last night! much fun! :)

There is so much i want to write about almost everything! I am sure A is thinking he has succeeded in pushing me away and stuff but hes so wrong!! this heat here can roast me! i am having a sauna bath like everything 2hours! ill turn into size zero with this sweat! LOL okay i exaggerate too much! but ill write! i really will! once i get off with the heat!


rest later!
xoxo

Women are insecure bitchy jealous and brain dead!
exceptions ARE :D

Betty: this is for u
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe


LOL, she knows me pretty well! :) as i wrote in my previous post i knew exactly what to do tomorrow it just worked out almost they way i thought it will. What a killer day it was.

Okay wait! I have something to pen down! I am so excited about what i am actually doing right now! By day i am a agitated law student by midnight i turn into a aspiring *ssshh*! Okay now as to why is a secret, because when go gaga about something that i am doing or i want to do, i end up just giving it up.. But boy that aint happening this time. N is just so easy to deal with! Not fussy and pricy like most of the talented jerks. The new teacher on the block! ;) and no all the fun happening right now doesnt make me feel great is this sick heat! I am on bed knowing exactly what i have to do tomorrow. =D

Rest later
xoxo

DONT WANT TO PEN anything today!! :P

P.s. i hate summer

BOMBAY 360 from nishit dayal on Vimeo.

I dont exactly remember when to be precise, but betty and me were in the phase "lets meet new people" . So what better then FB . I added few people out of which one guy was N whos pictures really attracted me. after months of adding him past few days i have been speaking to him, not alot. So, today was gudhi padwa the "new year" but it was HOT outside for me to actually chill and celebrate. But i did do some bit of cooking and stuff but i slept alot! i am dehydrated and the heat is killing my gall bladder! =P cold coffees and diet cokes nothing cold is working but not that well to satisfy my DRY AND ITCHING throat. I thought i would facebook abit from laptop today ( fb from phone isnt actually fbing :P ) and N was online somehow i love saying HI first, it gives me the upper hand! in what?? even i dont know!=P betty and me were discussing my secret get away and i was on other hand watching this video by N. Isnt it just brilliant not that i havent seen people making such videos before. So, why i did i post this on my blog? no i am not biased towards my FB friend but there emotions in the video i can see through! i really liked! i dont appreciate easily but i liked it =)

I showed it to betty and she added him! LOL yes she really likes people like this, i mean creative and innovative. So this new friend who is old according to dates, is really cool! its like having a cool friend is HOT summer.

i came across this on TV and i loved it "i am soo good in bed, that i can sleep for days"

LOL what all can people come up with!

P.s. romance is so last season =D

rest later

xoxo

i refer to "YOU" as people from nasick! :D

Ps i am so lame-ly innovative these days! =P

lol this is soo :D

What a energising kick start to the day, i woke up to A's dream. After a pleasent sunday i dreamt about A.!!! It is said you dream about things/people that you constantly keep thinking about. =P
So after waking up i couldnt help smiling my way to glory. But i dint know my pasta had left a strong impact on dadus stomach, he asked me to make it again! I was like woah! Last night i made chicken pasta in white alfredo sauce, so i thought lets variate and play with flavours i made a pasta with indian touch! Red and green chillies! It was yummilicious! Today was the "Dday" because all my brothers had their results today, and man they all made it! Dadu got all his matches and will soon eat sleep and breathe money! But hey, wait along with that i heard everyone speaking about him getting married! Where did that come from? Arent we purpose to just spare him that horror now? I wanted to yell and cry and do everything to stop mom from even picking that topic! Thats my nightmare! But i took it easy! And just remembered ignorance is bliss, but not always! But i tried to be off track. Dadu was so freaking happy in fact everyone was! My cooking spree was still on i made the entire dinner again but it was all indian today. But good things never come alone they come along with thier evil cousin, now dadu would be leaving in less then 4 months time again, i hate that i am more comfortable with my brothers then with anyone on earth. I enjoy with them like a transgender lol. More like the best of both worlds- the girl and the guy. Tomorrow is the new year according to our tradition and what i killer way to start a new year. I am so glad this is happening and i am home to vitness this. I am a rich mans sister now! =D
I downloaded movies and finally settled on to watching alice in wonderland , yes again! I loved it all over again.. I got a text from RO that hes here and we could meet, and fuckness i had i great time with him.. And i went through my previous posts and noticed that i dint mention that a met my ex, and yes am glad its over. He is a waste, he tried gettings cheesy and goody good boy with me but dint work.. He actually looked like a dork! I wonder many of people i meet are brain dead, they look good till they dont speak. I wonder what it must be like to have such a lame and dead life. But i need to get rid of my insecurity, it will kill me someday, yes it really will. Sounds perfect "insecure bitch" =P.
I am on the bed cuddled up nicely and just ready to doze off. I have modified the promises i made to A and to myself so just trying to keep up with it :)

P.s. I am/was still smiling thinking about the dream and A!!! :*


rest later
xoxo

is "textually active" =P

I believed that i cook non-relatively of moods and course of events happening around me, but i guess i am too a moody cook. I cook when i am happy or sad or even when i am bored i dont do it for the heck of it but it always has some reason behind it. It was a nice sunday afternoon i was doing what i enjoy the most watching movies at home with my brothers it was a total crap movie but we enjoyed it with the pinch our nasty comments. I was glad that i enjoyed so much, so i called it a dinner time tonight. I thought of making pasta and baking pizzas. And to lords mercy i made it extremly brilliant! None of them could stop at one serving! I was on highest possible cloud that time. Before i could click pictures to mail them to A and betty the dinner was vanished into the human vanishland- the stomach!!!! I cooked indian food for dad and i made the chapatis too, like for the first time, dad dint crib but just admired it. And i did all of this all alone in less then 90mins time. I thank my mom for transfering her genes to do things efficiantly even if its cooking. It was a great sunday. =)

rest later
xoxo

hatred is the love that's been injured. If you have hatred in your heart, it means you have love in it also.

''The Women of Lockerbie'' by Deborah Brevoort

Betty sent this to me ! i agreee with this partially not completly!

Neolithic. me

JOHNNY's personal QUOTES!

• I remember carving my initials on my arm and I've scarred myself from time to time since then. In a way your body is a journal and the scars are sort of entries in it.
• These are the most important people in my life. You know, I would die for these people. If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love - I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years - but I would eat them.
• [about his first marriage] I guess I have very traditional kinds of sensibilities about that kind of stuff - you know, a man and a woman sharing their life together and having a baby, whatever - and I think for a while I was trying to right the wrongs of my parents because they split up when I was a kid, so I thought I could do it differently - make things work. I had the right intentions, but the wrong timing - and the wrong person. But I don't regret it; I had fun and I learned a lot.
• I started smoking at 12, lost my virginity at 13 and did every kind of drug there was by 14. Pretty much any drug you can name, I've done it. I wouldn't say I was bad or malicious, I was just curious. I certainly had my little experiences with drugs. Eventually, you see where that's headed and you get out.
• I was a weird kid. I wanted to be Bruce Lee. I wanted to be on a SWAT team. When I was five, I think I wanted to be Daniel Boone.
• There's a drive in me that won't allow me to do certain things that are easy. I can weigh all the options, but there's always one thing that goes: "Johnny, this is the one." And it's always the most difficult - it's always the one that will cause the most trouble.

I think i was wasting my time watching CRAPPY movies with dumb and fictional romance!!

I "HEART" this

LOVE SEX AUR DHOKA DARRRRLINGG,

this is hilarious ! i am so waiting for this movies!

8 am in the morning! I am on my way to bbay. All i'am feeling right now is nostalgic, i want that one evening with A all over again. Betty is really busy and am glad she is, unlike me! I am uncomfartable with world these days! I hate(pity) them! They grow dumb with every passing day. But thats fine as long as i have my people to fall back on. I had gone to school day before, it was so pleasing and cheered my senses instantly. Thats the magic BARNES has on me. I met rohan after three years! And i had a time of my life, all the things that we did sitting in class 10A and 8A were so stupid but so much fun. Back then i never thought i would be where i am, i still dont believe that school is over. Over the years the boy i was has just managed to calm down, i have shifted more towards feminity, feels nice though. I never had thought that my life would ever converge with A's life again but it did and then as they say the rest was history. I really want to visit betty and see the world, i want to explore places and meet new people and see what is it like "seeing the world" i am sure people everywhere face the same problem. I dont have issues with inner me but the outer world! I am quite okay with studying for hours now because betty said promise the one you love something and you will do it, do it, for them! So i did, i promised A and also myself! I cant degrade with growing up because i dont want to be amongst the stereotyped crowd. By every passing year i realise how stupid i was in the previous year. All i am trying to do these days is just work on myself because i want to see what i will turn into, i am i really what i claim myself to be or there is something beneath the layers of my mysterious character. I am a dreamer by the end of it all though :))


rest later
xoxo

"UNSUITABLE CONTENT"

I refer to "PITY" as HATE. so when i hate you , i pity you

:)

OmFg.. Hairfall is almost reduced! It feels great! This is the best time "being home". I missing A terribly.

OmFg.. Hairfall is almost reduced! It feels great! This is the best time "being home". I missing A terribly.

I like the word "HOPE" its nither positive or negative!!

P.s. Tojo had told me this! :)

One more song that i love! it always feels great to have brothers with great choice of music! i never find the need to download the songs! they have it ALL! :)

i heart my brothers!

This is something that has captured my mind! this is an amazing song!

P.s.Courtesy R

I am at the coffee shop trying to study, but somehow today i am in no mood of doing so. All i am doing is texting tojo and looking around, i cant figure out "HOW" to study, but i need work my ass out because the exam dates are nearing and i before i loose my mind i need to start "book humping" lol. The city is so hot that i already have sun burns! I need to find the loop holes of studying. Its been 38mins that i am here but i hardly read more then 2pages. And i have 5 subjects to go!!!! I had a crazy evening yestarday with my cousins i really had a GOOD GOOD NIGHT! I want to study so much but i dont know whats stopping me?!?! Or is it the lazy me. Sometimes there is so much we want to do but then we never end up doing them. So i think i should stop blogging and study again. Lol

rest later
xoxo

Okay. I love mobile bloging.its so much fun. I am out with my brothers for dinner and then movie. Its a mess because we are all broke and our cashier is not interested is dinner, he will later join us for the movie. But its so much more fun. I am loving this time. We plan to dine-n-dash.. Lol we are a crazy bunch of people.

Rest later
xoxo

P.s. I had a crazy time studying in barista. They love me i guess lol, the free coffees and custom made coffees are great to study with.. Yikes! I am such a cheapo.

Last night A said its enough and its not funny anymore! Maybe hes right! Its not funny.but i love him. Thats enough for me i guess. But the catch right now is my exams! My syllabus is so vast that i wonder if i can do it.but betty asked me to start studying today so i pulled up my socks and went to barista to study.it was a decent 2hrs of study. But the obnoxious people rather the couples were making out in the coffee shop. It totally disgusts me to see people getting intimate in public places.i did leagal language today, walter rowland's trail to be specific.it was very interesting.then i went with S to the dam! It was sunny and hot..but we had fun singing shaddy songs on my dio. We stopped near a place with yards of mango trees.. I asked her to steal the mangoes..she has always been my partner in crime.. It was too much fun... Shes is my soul! She can provoke me to do things i never did because of fear! The day was a totall oh-whatever-day. But i like it this way

rest later
xoxo

This is my first post via mobile blog! Only for betty... I am home finally and already de-stressed.. Everything looks just great around me.. I am loving this..


Rest later
xoxo.

ME AIN'T GIVING UP! :)

Mr. A this ones for you!! i miss you!

I am back! no just had to POUR out that i am missing A way too much! I am trying to abide by what he said that this isn't "LOVE" but i need to set my self free and maybe i will discover something better then him or ill lowe somebody else! i swear on A i am trying to do that! i don't know if that will happen but i am trying, trying very hard!

all i can say is I miss A. But i shopped alot today! it was decent fun but few things are always better unsaid! this whole post is SOO STUPID! its just fine! i am stuck to some really amazing ROCK songs! thanks to A i am trying to like them! they make me feel HIGH! :)

The whole thing is brilliant! i am enduring it! i will resume to blogging and facebooking only after i have accomplished a very important mission! this is going to be the BREAKING or MAKING time! and here i am with all my armours :P okay okay too much! but i am in love forever and for always! this is something i would want to carry for long!! i am missing you A!
sorry bloggu! but i NEED to do this! for sometime i don't know how long! I will never ever get over/move on over A. If i do take anybody Else's name i shall be sued! because it will be an insult to my love for A! this one's for you shooting star(you're my shooting star)
rest LATERS(sooner or later)
xoxo

LOVE!

I HAVE THE WORLDS BEST PAPPA!!!! and mummaa and everybody!!
i am special! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
ill get back to WHY i am special later
xoxo

good night baby = i have fucked your life and i am laughing my ass out. YOU LOOSE I WIN
guys guys guys, i tell you! wow what a decent way of LOLing! maybe he thought i am heart broken and i need help! sickening as it can get! betty was just online i told her i always keep thinking about A she said its okay dont force yourself to forget, over the period of time, it will be taken care off. i still wanted to ask A. Is it seriously never going to work out? am i really not the one? but fuck it i know he would give me the most amazingly mindblowing excuses reasons answers reality or whatever shit!. So i just thought its better not to even go the way, where there is no one waiting! and why the hell am i not sleepy =P. energy ! i have! i must say!
i am reading this amazing book called "Here we are"

REDEFINING RULES OF FEMINISM ;)

kitne Ajeeb Rishte Hai Yaha Pe...
Do Pal Milte Hai.. Saath Saath Chalte Hai...
Jab Mod Aaye To Bachke Nikalte Hai....
kitne Ajeeb Rishte Hai Yaha Pe...





hooked to this song

What a unusual day today. After sleeping just for like less then four hours, i had the strength to wake up, get ready and go to the college. on my way to the college, got a call from R2 saying S has called us over to his place for movie or something. I had time till afternoon, so i headed towards his place and then had lunch and he was being funny so funny that i was about to throw up the water that reached my gall bladder! :P

then i thought instead of going home early i would rather go to the college library and study whatever in bits. I went upstairs with CHILLING COLD COFFEE, up tied my hair(iamhavingabadhairdayforthreedaysnow)and put the ear phones on and started unwinding in the lib. I did sort out everything about studies, but i ended doing something that i should have done long back. I thought i need to first shop for few things not like the normal jazz but something like really classe/classy =P
okay that dint make sense, but i did jot down the things i REALLY need and not WANT. but every now and then i had A's thought popping up in my mind. So i thought i shouldn't ignore them, perhaps i might end up calling up him out of curiosity. So i thought and thought more and even more, and then it just stoped i don't know how but it did. Then i realised i cant be sweet to other babies and maybe i annoy them by speaking to them in the Queen's English. And not " ooooooobly woooobly woooooosh the rabbit ran out of the bush "! I save that one for my special someone. Maybe i underestimate my life too much because i never over look what other people are suffering through. i realised by morning i get up like a passionate law student, who is chasing her wildest dream and by afternoon i am agitated by the heat,the people around me and by night i am a daddy's lil girl who needs to be loved. and on a full moon night i turn into ware wolf who kills all annoying people around. LOL
i realised my writing is never DEEP and doesn't have to read over again to be understood. first i thought its bad because then how can i be a good writer. But a good writer is one who has his own style. My style is more chilled out,casual, and relaxed. i do reach the crux of matters but my approach is different, in fact way too different.I questioned myself alot today, like am i really immature? do i need to change myself? do i need to get serious about stuff and so on. But seriously my answers were very funny, like if i change with time that's how its suppose to be i cant go forcing myself "YOU HAVE TO CHANGE" it has to come within. Maturity! that is one that comes out on very rare occasions, now i wish they occasions become more often. and on looking life in serious way, wait its again just tackling the problems but the way i approach is my choice. My college library is such an amazing place. One thing i hate to do it proclaiming things again and again. I say it once and it makes sense. I wonder why at times all the things pounce back at me because i never learnt to sort out things. I did manage to read the important articles in the newspaper, i did study a bit and then i realised ill be having a leave for 20days or so i thought i would go home.

I came across this quote in the newspaper column "LOVE IS LIKE THE ART WHICH RELAXES AND CALMS YOUR MIND BODY AND SOUL". It did make sense. R and me will be meeting on Monday, not too much crap but just talks again and sunsets and nicer music. i am waiting for Monday for the cold coffee, my college library and the time with R. I get along well with guys is because girls are too fussy and guys are just on your face! I think its okay to have some mess in life, after all messiness is a sign of being a genius :P. okay it was lame.


This library session was too cool.
rest laters
xoxo

okay, It was a decent morning i woke up with the broadest smile as if nothing went wrong and i got a call from R2 saying i am late (ihadtomeether). I had my own unique reason as always. When i met her she said P's friend S would be coming. I at first wasn't very keen on meeting this "S". That freak made us wait for like a 45mins or more.And finally he pleased US with his appearance! He was like the forever happy distinctly amature dude, me being me i had to first welcome him with my attitude. Later on we started of with debates on politics,religion,and everything under the sun. We were at subway there were these adorable group of kids, all guys (allofthemwouldgrowintogoodlookingmen) ;)
S is also totally crazy, not like me but yes he is soo crazy! we went on playing with kids and the kids kept pulling his leg. It was more like 2v/s10 and the kids were smart really smart! S is very typical cute gujju chokra(boy). S and P walked out of subway before me and R2. While i was leaving a kid asked me "excuse me, can i ask you something." i was like yea sure(icouldntsayno,thekidwassocutee) he asked "Is that guy kinda abnormal??". LOL i went mad laughing, i replied saying "no, hes had a bad heart break and is now mentally disturbed", S gave me that stupid smile. Then S said he needs to shop for clothes and asked me and R2 to come along. i realised guys are more fussy then girls when it comes to shopping. I was soo frustrated with S for not liking anything that he tried out! But at the back of my mind i was constantly thinking about A. S is one guy who isn't out for flaunting but is out just for the sake of having fun. It was evening already i thought i would go home and just feel bad about the whole A's scene that happened. I thought the way A wanted me to think a week back. I thought its not a bad bargain if the wait is worth it. But guys will be guys! they always have room for changing their freakish brains any moment they want. I called A and we spoke crap or even worse. Then i get a text from S saying we all are going out for a ride to the beach come join in. I thought i better distract myself from doing the after spilt crap like sulking and listing to shady songs. So i said yea fine. and OMG he took me the most AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL PLACE! we were four of us B,me,A2 and S. That was the REAL MAJJA! i mean not the late night parties no boozing just chatting with friends on beach with horses and water clashing the sea shore! that was killer. we drove all over the city and just had the real fun. B had an exam tom so he had go home. S dropped me back home on his bike and it was freezing cold. He kept calling me "but baccha, arre baccha" and believe me he wasn't flirting, not at all. He was being really nice, but he has a nasty side as well. And trust me the more you try to act tough and hold yourself saying be strong and don't over think it too much the more you get deeper into the shit. I just let my mind take a back seat and thought as much as my heart wanted to think about A and the best part was that it wasn't aching.

PS: B is a EXTREMELY FUNNY GUY! and this was a nice day altogether
rest later
xoxo

out of the few things that i want to say few are
"KAISE MAIN KAHU TUJHSE, REHENA HAIN TERE DILL MAIN"! (how do i say i want to stay in your heart

"I AM A 'WORK UNDER PROGRESS' YOU COULD HAVE SEEN ME DEVELOPE"


SOOO much mush! LOL

something is majorly WRONG with me.. i want to write SOOOO MUCH!! there soo much jazz happening around me!. but i have been pushing it to far. Maybe i ll write once i have my mind free. Right now its trapped into a couple of other things. My mind and soul have gone through some major roller coster.

:(

i am soo jobless today! infact bored. what way of boredom i ended it i regret it and now i also feel okay with it! ooohhoo! i am planning out how to study. this thursday so isnt intresting. i think i need therapy. to be specific retail therapy! R2 is going for a holiday next week, when she told me this i wanted to SCREAM AND SAY TAKE ME TOO!!! i want to go somewhere really bad. Or maybe i just wanted to M/O with A so bad! maybe this is soo weird! It doesnt take a single second for guys to change shapes! but right now i want to go the beach. Or just again have the yestarday evening to relive as a option! me and my mood swings. Here i go now again mush-ing my head up!. There is soo much to do tonight! YAYNESS i guess! okay i am loosing sanity.
rest laters

I have been waiting so long to feel SO GREAT! i never thought this day would have been perfect. This is that feeling i got few years back in boarding school "girl's turn off the lights and get into the bed". My hair is messed up and sticky and face is oily and i am smelling of happiness. I have braided my hair after ages and it feels great i am already into my night wear. i am missing my matron coming into the haunted dorm and yelling at us to say the good night prayer and go to sleep. that was so perfect, i remember group studying and S,K pestering me to study and stop getting scared and then group hug and late night talks. NO Internet, NO mobiles, NO tv just real people to talk to. Over the years i have become DUMB and NUMB i am not adapting anything that's nice. I am just turning into "everybody else". I don't even write beautifully now, nor do i understand deep writings, nor does news paper attract me. THIS IS NOT ME! i have lost my command over English as a language. i don't pronounce words properly. My vocabulary is stale and stinks. I don't read anything nice and interesting. I got a ATKT in my first year. i am pushing my luck too hard. Maybe i am not completely efficient as what i thought i was. TOO MUCH SELF BELIEF ain't a great thing. I never imagined my life like this way back then. I am ZERO there is so much for me to learn. I AM TURNING into material girl's. Today the sunset wasn't romantic but serene. I have stopped thinking like i used to. I have definitely lost my originality. Back in school i was a bright and brilliant and now i am faded and dumb. My brains, my aesthetic sense seem to have rusted. I keep yelling get a life, where as i have lost mine as well. I need to regain myself. The strong foundation of my character was my originality but now its nothing there is no foundation. Is my life all about just shopping and roaming aimlessly? or as people call it chilling because its my time to enjoy? No enjoyment for ME has always been different from other's. That's why i have few but the best people to top my friends list. I am on FINDING-MYSELF-MISSION. R has made me believe denial helps to a great extent. Hes the best thing that happened to me in Barnes life. Hes my bff but just like Betty they have evolved with time unlike me. But before i stop identifying myself and feel ashamed of what i have turned into. I need to get back at life. I remember telling A i hate sunsets and nature and crap! but no I forgot i am the most nature loving person! i remember sitting on titanic and writing and humming tunes. these three years have been a roller coaster. What happened to Ms.pricey but smart where did she vanish? and Who is this Ms.proud and dumb?. what happened to big dreams? what happened to career? the real career? What happened to your way of looking at things.! R says pay no heed to the obvious! that's so true!.I am sabotaging my own beautiful blessed life. Its important to have people who know the real, the most genuine you. hopefully i shall incorporate this into my aimless life and be the princess i was born to be not to conquer the world but to conquer the greed of knowing everything in the UNIVERSE.! and I HAVE STOPPED QUESTIONING MYSELF!

PS: i hope this get better, this feeling is what i needed. I am not upset but astoundingly happy and thankful
PS 2: VALENTINE's DAY was a brilliant movie!

When i think of you, i dont feel so alone!

for the only one! i wish i could sing this to him

a revenged night!!

Aaise Jaagi Re
Main Raat …Aaise Jaagi Re..
Koi Neend Ko Trshe..
Lekin Neend Na Koi …Tarsh Kre..
Aaise Jaagi Re Main Raat.........

Main Kai Raah...Badal Ke Chali
Par..Har Raah..Tu Hi Mila
Ghadi-Ghadi..Tohe Binti Keeni
Mitt Ja Re (Go Away/Vanish)Main Raat
Aaise Jaagi Re....

Kbhi Rote...Nayna Roke
Kbhi Khud..Dekha Roy Roy Ke
Kbhi Kbhi.. Bas Me Thi..Apne
Kabhi Na Re…Main Raat
Aaise Jaagi Re......

Raat Bhar Mein.Aaisi Jlee
Subah Tak..Surat Gyi Bdli
Raat Ne..Mujh Se Liya..Koi
Badla Re.. Main Raat
Aaise Jaagi Re.....

Jle To.. Lge Sare Deep Dukhi Re
Bol Na Maun Sukhi The Hey..

even i just had to post this!

WHAT A KILLER SONG!!! loved it

DONT BITE your nails! DONT suck your sleeves, DONT leave your hair open all the time, DONT go in the sun too much, DONT eat too many sweets, DONT watch soo much of tv,DONT's my life is about the DONT's that i end up making my DO's. When i am nervous i bite nails, i had recorded a song for betty as a return gift which was horrible! but A insisted on me sending it to him i did and laughed his guts out!(DOG) so my fake nails were too hard to even think of biting and i thought ill do something and remove them at home itself! but FUCKNESS!! it pained and hurt! and was even bleeding! A got so pissed and punished me as we wont talk tonight! switched of the cell phone logged off IM's etc! i wish i would have listened to maa when asked me not to do all that! right now i running with questions and questions to the exsisting questions! weird but me! and now its like i have such a VAST portion to study but so little time! btw betty loved my song! and truly thats all that matters! ill record few more songs for me!! why do i seriously have my own unturned logic!
why cant my life be normal like others?? being me for a day is a task! i do nothing in the day but yet soooo much! today we had a argument in the class and the other chic was yelling! i mean yelling at one person across the room doesnt prove you right! i kept my cool and just spoke few lines but they were way to apt! the teacher was like "you will make a great lawyer". i was on cloud nine! so much that i went and studied! it was decent time that i studied but i need to put in more!
i am becoming OLD fashioned now! but trust me its cooler! retro is never out!
xoxo

PS: making a stratergy on how to survive the punishment! :P

i was to leave tomorrow morning. BUT NO HOW CAN MY MIND AND HEART co-ordinate!??!??!
now i want to leave today evening! LOL! my parents are so pissed right now! because we planned dinner tonight! but i just HAVE to go! now i am running and yelling all over the place because i need to pack my bag and i have nothing in place! first i was in a hurry to come and now i am in a hurry to go! but this is soo much fun! i never miss to find MAJJA in any situtation! i missing betty cant wait to go home and speak to her about what happened previous days!
xoxo

and the change in my layout from a shocking purple and black to a sudden simple black and white with flowers! is because EVEN i don't know! i just liked it! it looked classy! and everywhere around me there is soo much sho-sha that i wanted my blog to be simple and nice!! :D
xoxo

i was suppose to be in class by now! but i am not, i am at home blogging. my class friend P had called because i told her ill come to college on Monday! how sweet! sometimes its important to look around and see people who care for you! shes a sweetheart! betty wished me happy v'day! my love,my life my everything! last night after dinner at chitra mavshi's place. i had called K she said she still speaks to that BASTURD ex of hers because she still loves him and cant get over him! what dumbness!! i mean the other day her mom was crying on the phone and was ready to disown for even talking to him! how ridiculous! i am still missing A terribly! this wasn't suppose hurt i knew there was a end to it! still stuck in the shaddy song phase! i am just over reading A's mails again and again!

"Tum hi socho zara, kyun na roke tumhe
Jaan jaati hai jab uth ke jaate ho tum
Tumko apni qasam jaan-e-jaan
Baat itni meri maan lo" i wish i could sing this. now i exactly know the loop holes of life and i will start studying tom because exams are nearing! and love is not the food of life! :P my sad humour! :P

but that's fine i guess my life is all about randomness so a random heart break, random brokeness, random atkt, random love, random tattoo, random ME


PS: i despartly want to go back and start attending classes and start studing and want these 5 years to pass like a snap and become a criminal lawyer and then become rich and then invest the money in my fashion house and then become even more richer! :D:D

14th feb. huh what valentines day??? so? big shitt? fuck cares??? not because i dont believe in love but i am in love! i had it but i lost! i want it soo bad! previous post seem soo sadistic and emo-ish! but it is not! it was my mood that i was writing in that affected the way they are penned down! i had to post this because i dont know what i exactly want or what i exactly feel. my greed is more then normal human greed! eating a kala khatta gola isnt satisfying me i want to go hit a store and shop for everything i ever wanted. all i right now want is A so badly. i am missing betty she can make me feel alright! all this is like soo weird. No one wonder i know i am great at PHUCKING THINGS! i make my life difficult all by self! when all i needed was to study where did LOVE come from?? i wish i was autistic then i would be extra ordinarily smart but i couldnt understand emotions! that would be so cool! okay no it isnt cool! but it would have better then this! I WANT I WANT NEED A right now!!

the train journey was so phucking boring because the train was over flowing with people, someone couldnt even fart comfortably. I cant travel via bus and cars but the worst part is i cant even travel by 1st class AC because i am nasuatic to a closed place with AC and in motion! and that is a pain!. but what kept me smiling was i was speaking about A all to K and blushing the people around me dint make difference till someone dint crib to move from one place to another! the train had haulted at a station for one hour! that made my mood disgusting but again talking to A and then talking about him made it alright! Dadu and harshu were at the station waiting for me! i just wanted to go home and see my parents and even more see thier reaction towards tattoo i had made on my chest.i went home and coco was licking me all over! it FELT HEAVEN! and then mom told me no one had dinner all were waiting for me no wonder it is different to be home after a long time! and the usuall dinner with mom dad and brothers and the small discussions which i never like to be a part of! i had missed them so long. then the normal madness of yellling in house for the smallest reasons and speaking from one room to the room of the house and doin WHAAT????. usually when i am home i DONT AT ALL MISS other people or any place! but i was missing A. parents DID REACT!! they had to yell and crib but i know them to well to do something more then this and then test thier patience! so my wildness has stopped here for a while a though! it was half past 12 and i called up A. i had to tell him what happened but it was all fine because his words and stupid gestures make it all so fine! we ended up speaking till 7 in the morning! i realised i just had two days left of the most wonderfull days. i wanted to freezzee the damn time i wish i never let the days pass by!! but as said all good things come to an end! but i realised this wasnt obsession! it cant be obsession. then sleeping on YOUR bed with your bestest brother fighting in sleep was like sleeping on bed of roses!! sleeping to end of one the most beautiful nights! i had A on my mind running and raping my mental state! i wanted to sing untouched by veronicas to him so bad the moment we had to hang up..

REALITY CHECK!!

dena---------------no--------dena------nai-----------dena----------------nahi! please dena-------------nahi no nai no (fuck off)!
00:51 am (my last call)
okay my reality!!! guys have this amazing power to prove thier side so RIGHT, that you fall straight away on your face! when you realise that this is it!! there is a turning back in life and then you realise oh shiitt not again! even this isn't it!!! right now my mind is divided into so many areas that its hard for me to figure out which one is over powering the other areas! i haven't even been online alot since i am home, neither am i facebooking! nor blogging! but i need to talk to betty! i am terribly missing Mr.A
i have sooo many questions but no one can answer them! right now all i want is coffee and a nice place to sooth my mind! i got this EXACT SAME FEELING when i realised school was over! like i want to pen/blog it down but i just cant the find the words or maybe people would find it too lame! just like they found my ATTACHMENT with my school so lame! i know ill get "OH-C'MON-GET-OVER-IT" reactions!! but that's fine i always do what i want to even if after that i will regret it, ill blame myself not anyone else!